Thursday, July 30

You're a Celiac IF...

Second posting 7-2-2009

THIS IS A REPRINT from FOUR Years AGo Last Month:
From our blogging friends in the UK...

You know you are a coeliac if:

1. if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PLAY DOH.
2. if you have written "CONTAMINATED" on jars of jam.
3. if at least once a day you fake a smile and say, "Sorry, I can't have that."
4. if you eat BEFORE you go out to eat.
5. if you have soy sauce and salad dressing in your purse.
6. if you think the words. "ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD?" are grounds for murder, Especially when they come from your DOCTOR!
7. if you have visions of strangling friends and relatives who suggest, "It won't hurt you to have just a little bit, will it?" as they roll their eyes.
8. if you can't remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
9. if you actually have nightmares about reading labels and eating pizza and chocolate cake.
10. if you compare all of your food to normal-people- food.
11. if you know that Xantham Gum is NOT for chewing.
12. if you know that Spelt is wheat, but Buckwheat is not.
13. if the builders on the house next door can substitute your bread for their bricks.
14. if you actually .. KNOW .. what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.
15. if you can find hidden gluten on food labels that other people can't find them with a MAGNIFYING GLASS, a DICTIONARY, and a PH.D.
16. if you've had to give a doctor a crash course in Coeliac Disease.
17. if a 7 Course Meal is a one course meal for you... Lettuce.
18. if you hyperventilate and drool all over the bakery counter.
19. if you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a display of Shredded Wheat in a fit of rage.
20. if you have to take out a loan each month to pay the grocery bill.
21. if you have erected a shrine that includes your bread machine and memorial candles.
22. if your financial portfolio consists of stock in two major toilet paper companies.
23. if you stay up late striving to develop a GF Pizza.
24. if you can spell transglutaminase and Dermatitis Herpetiformis .
25. if you just discovered how to make flour out of TURNIPS.
26. if having a Solid Poo is the highlight of your day.
27. if you hide the gluten-free cookies when friends come over, so they don't eat them.
28. if you see someone buying rice flour and initiate a lenghty conversation about coelic disease!
29. if your friend wants to make you a Gluten Free Birthday Cake, but you know it will be 'Cross Contaminated' .
30. if all your internet bookmarks are coeliac related.
31. if someone complains of a tummy ache, and you tell them to 'Give Up & Quit eating Gluten'!
32. if you burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words GLUTEN FREE ..stamped on the corner of a product.

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